my boyfriend says i make him uncomfortable

Mad he didnt keep his promises. Knittress Established Member Ok you like the guy. Mad he turned this all around on me. In fact, I wondered if I would drive all my future partners away for being so over-critical. You can see it as a chance to grow. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Especially since I also compromised with him throwing parties on Saturdays (he works during the week) while I stay home and need to study. Viewing relationships like transactions. I was always polite to him though, so eventually, after they had dated a year she was curious enough about his strange behavior to inquire, she told me he admitted that I was intimidating to him, so okay, well good to know. If your boyfriend is showing similar signs as those above and youre also getting sucked into a codependent spiral there are things you can do right now to start climbing out. Name one other time Ive been unreliable, he asked in order to make me justify my decision. Having a chance to see if his treatment of you changes when she is around can go a long way in making sure they are just friends. Was it something to do with people who had some unhealthy emotional patterns or something? Read our, First, reflect on the feeling by yourself, Switch things up romantically or sexually, Speak to a therapist or relationship coach, How to Know If You Are in a Healthy Relationship. You just dont feel at home in your own appt. Eventually, he confessed that doctors offices made him anxious. Things have been going pretty well thus far until he dropped the bomb on me the other day by discussing things about me that make him feel uncomfortable. And if I stay quiet, hell smile as we cuddle on the couch and not say anything is wrong, even though I can tell hes feeling unappreciated or neglected. It doesn't appear in any feeds, and anyone with a direct link to it will see a message like this one. I couldnt be trusted. But after some time it started to get a little bit suffocating. This should be interesting, I thought. And it wasnt because I was a bad partner. Here you'll find all collections you've created before. Well, after going through difficulties in my own love life, I reached out to them a few months ago. Please consult your doctor before taking any action. He's trying to soften the blow but he doesn't have the maturity or the words to tell you he wants out. I know he grew up feeling he had to be a people pleaser to those around him and always fall in line and be nice. I understand his issues are deeply rooted. Sounds like they want you for themselves or something. Trans & GNC ,Rud gives you the tools to plant yourself at the center of your world. New Member. Just be prepared for him to walk should you put your foot down. Life is too short to get mad, hed say. Codependency is not a place you want to spend your life. I couldnt. I just havent gotten around to it yet. It didnt matter anyway. I was scared to admit it. You may have a tendency to pry into people's lives, digging into them as fast as you can do determine who they are and where their weaknesses and strengths lie. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. Some men can be out off by that, possibly because they are intimidated by a woman that isn't just meek and quiet, leaving them to make the rules. Hes depending on me to reassure him and get back to him. I grew to believe he was noble for resisting the urge to argue and I was small-minded in comparison. Talk about how passionate you are about your work, how you always give it 100%, how you dont like to say 110% because thats an imaginary standard that doesnt hold us accountable. Im angry all the time., My eyes darted around the room. These are the most common signs of a controlling partner: 1. Found this article helpful? Well, he uses techniques derived from ancient shamanic teachings, but he puts his own modern-day twist on them. If you can identify any of these six patterns in your own relationship, you may not be a bad partner either. And in the midst of those pages, I learned that gaslighting my partners technique of making me doubt my thoughts, feelings, and perceptions was an abusive manipulation tactic. I mean, Im flattered: but I also find it suffocating that he depends on me for his company at all times and wants me to be everything to him: a friend, a lover, a partner. A relationship takes two, and my codependent boyfriend thinks that by only doing what I want everything will be perfect. Cancer ladies are some of the most emotional of all the horoscope signs, this quality can sometimes come across when you're not happy and show as reclusiveness. That was me. I didnt believe in my own boyfriend. We have to be there for ourselves before someone else can be. Do you ever find yourself in situations where a particular guy, doesn't even have to be one your interested in, gives you the cold shoulder and you can't sort out why? Maybe you want to have sex in different places in the house or try new things. I want a guy who cares about me a lot, sure, but not someone who sabotages their own life to be with me. When hes in a bad mood he blames himself or hides it (which makes me feel worse either way). Pisces women, in conversation with people that may not know you well yet, you may vibe on the odd side. It hurts that you dont believe in me.. You never read my thesis. Hed said he would later tonight one day in January; it was March. Like I was saying, he never says no. RELATED:7 Uncomfortable Signs You're Growing As A Person. Oct 12, 2010, 09:28 AM. For him your relationship has run it's course. Accepting Her Role. Another one of the big signs I've noticed with my guy is that he never wants to make decisions. Click below to listen now. The truncated hairs fell one by one, severing the half of me still angry he never paid me back. While the signs in this article will help you understand whether your boyfriend is codependent,it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation. When Id try to tell him something was wrong in our relationship or even discuss a problem in my life that wasnt about him, hed bring up a tangentially related experience of his own or an abstract philosophical concept that had nothing to do with us. I dragged myself out of that relationship kicking and screaming, but I havent looked back since. Conversations would start with me believing hed hurt me and end with me apologizing for getting hurt. One minute, Id be complaining about my partner to my friends and family. The next, Id be angry with him for not meeting the expectations I held. I couldnt tell which half of me was right. With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice tailored to the issues youre facing in your love life. It stinks having to live with someone you dont want to or dont really know. If you avoid the issues they only get worse. Thats why when I watched Ruds video on overcoming codependency, it affected me so strongly. Such an underserving girlfriend. It really hurt when he said that, I cried for days while trying to avoid messaging him so he would know what life would be without me. It is not as though he is the CEO of a corporation and you want nothing more than to be a cashier. It's okay to not know why you feel a certain way, that doesn't mean. I have my own issues too, which Ive been working on. You may interrupt in your excitement and put them off. You know Taurus can be stubborn, that trait will include your high standards. 2023 Dotdash Media, Inc. All rights reserved. They can help you and/or your partner better understand the root cause behind feeling unwanted and offer suggestions on how to find a resolution. Unfortunately, if it started with something important to you, it comes back to haunt you later. Affordable pricing + discounts available. He says it's way too often for him and he doesn't feel comfortable. Here is what makes each male zodiac sign feel uncomfortable around a woman, per astrology. They didnt matter I was oversensitive, after all. So if youre tired of your relationships never working out, of feeling undervalued, unappreciated, or unloved. With that in mind, if you find a man has shut you down for seemingly no reason, here is why. The next day, I opened it instead of my computer. Hes so doting on me that if I ever dont give him what he wants I feel like a bitch. The content produced by YourTango is for informational and educational purposes only. Why do I miss my ex boyfriend / girlfriend after they cheated on me and how can I move on? Someone who genuinely cared about you, the person, would not dream of saying such a thing. Good luck. 10 Votes. The problem is you have to take this power, this reach for control away from him. But I also probably didnt specify how often he comes, because that is 2 days a week. I want him to go on his own journey of self-exploration and self-healing, just like Im on mine. Your Partner. IMO, it's *how* he expressed the differences which make him undateable/unworthy. I just hope he doesn't think I would ever try anything to make him uncomfortable like me trying to seduce or force myself on him if he's the one worried I feel better than Those may interest you: Anyone ever got back with their ex after a long period of time apart (2 years), did it work out? "My boyfriend." I was so petty. My decision was not safe either, but it was understandable given the alternative. 164 164. Maybe, yeah, he meant "It's not going anywhere, but I'll still bang you." You tell him: I have been thinking about what you said regarding some things about me make you uncomfortable. And he brushes it off and is even nicer to me. (AITA). For the price of a single lunch out, you can help save us. I feel like if I say Im all good, babe, he will feel like I punched him in the gut. I Is my husband racist if he's uncomfortable with the fact that my ex boyfriend was black? I didnt even care about the thesis anymore, but I wanted him to understand why I had trouble putting faith in him rather than portraying my lack of trust as an attack. There could be a deeper meaning, or root cause, to reflect on and locate within yourself that has nothing to do with your partner and everything to do with you. If I couldnt justify my boundaries intellectually, I couldnt have them. You are old enough to be a medical resident, you are far too old for public tantrums. They spend hours together everyday, either on call or in person. Even if the action under discussion was his, I was just looking at it from the wrong angle. Sorry, this post was deleted by the person who originally posted it. They make decisions for you There's a blurry line between attentiveness and pressure. He just stays overnight and leaves in the morning. By the time of that conversation, I had already seen my partners manipulation too clearly for him to deny it, no matter how convincing his arguments were. Since hed had unprotected sex since hed last gotten tested, I wanted him to get tested or use a condom before sleeping with me. Does being kinky make him uncomfortable? Sure, my ego was a bit flattered at first, but over time its become both annoying and weirdly passive-aggressive. You will receive a link to create a new password via email. 5 Days NC. It wasnt until the masterclass on love and intimacy that I understood how to find your way out of the codependency trap. We're asking you to join our membership program so we can become fully financially sustainable (and you'll get cool perks too!) Try to talk to him to meet in the middle because it is his home too. And while thats very flattering its also kind of frightening. Obviously that is more than 2 nights, but Im sure your roommate feels a similar way. I know about his issues and rough time growing up and I feel absolutely awful about the idea of leaving him. Its always up to me as if I am just a queen dispensing order. It was maddening. I was scared to admit it. Everybody has issues that they run into, and everyone needs advice every now and again. Like everyone sometimes I like my own space: that doesnt mean I love him any less, it just means I enjoy being on my own now and then. Then again everybody has their limits. Sagittarius women, you probably already know that not everyone can take your energy well. He told me condoms hurt, so I asked him to get tested for months. It's okay though because you will most likely be unconcerned and move onto someone or something more engaging anyway. Taurus ladies know what they like and that's just that. This should be obvious. This is a place where you can ask for advice on many subjects. In other words, Ive made it clear to my boyfriend that he has to own himself and be there for himself before we can really be together in a real and healthy way. You could put a man off with these tendencies as he may take it at face value as you just enjoying strife. I picked one hair after another, lost in the hypnotizing strands. If I speak up about it, hell just smile and say its no problem even though I know it bothers him. You know you really want everyone to get along and do the right thing, If he doesn't want to take the time to look further then you shouldn't worry, be yourself and the right people will appreciate your desire to help. If he wasn't keeping an open mind and approaching things adventurously enough then you may have a tendency to be dismissive after you've noticed that about him. While he never argues with me or criticizes things he doesnt like, he criticizes himself a lot. It didnt feel like a healthy relationship, but I wasnt sure why. When our arguments were resolved, the resolution was usually that I had to work on myself because I was overreacting or my expectations were unreasonable. You can also ask if theres anything that you can do or work on together to resolve the issue. It's not fair to your roommate for you to have company all the time. I mean it could have been that he was joking around but still does it mean he has feelings for me or I have some kind of affect on him? Sometimes I just want to stay in my pajamas and eat a bucket of ice cream without him reaching in to scoop it out and pretend to like the movie were watching. will give you some amazing techniques to change your love life around. I don't want to make him feel bad, but I like my style. If conflicts from days, weeks, or months ago still bother you even though youve discussed them with your partner, its possible they manipulated you into believing the discussion was over before it was. You can find out more about our use, change your default settings, and withdraw your consent at any time with effect for the future by visiting Cookies Settings, which can also be found in the footer of the site. If you buy through links on this page, we may earn a small commission. If youve explored all of these issues, had the conversation with your partner, found no resolution, and have come to the conclusion that they truly do not want you, then it may be time to leave the relationship. But by making our relationship the center and only thing in his world, he makes me feel pressured and aware of his own insecurity and neediness. I would rather find someone less superficial. He may be a shaman, but hes experienced the same problems in love as you and I have. While caught in this cacophony of conflicting thoughts, I went to a book fair with my boyfriend and a title caught my eye: The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans. Often, the inertia is strong enough that you may choose to remain in the. [6] Try your best to practice patience and non-judgment when dealing with your boyfriend's quirks. I think most of the time it's some type of intimidating feeling they may be dealing with and you may never know what it stemmed from. I dont want to be a burden to our relationship, but I also dont want to have to play perfect or feel like Im hurting him and stressing him sometimes but he wont admit it. When you see him in person, this gives him the chance to use his facial expressions and body language so he can influence you. ), Not engaging with your content on social media when they do with others, Not listening to you when you share stories or voice your concerns, Past experiences of feeling unwanted by a partner. Answer (1 of 15): It means he likes you and most guys who are a bit insecure feel nervous around someone they like. You are obviously comfortable around your boyfriend but Roommate has to be in guest mode all the time. He is older , working professionally, and travels with work. For instance, he is a few years older than me and due to his career, he has had the opportunity to travel all over the world. Codependency is a vicious cycle of unhealthy attachment. All of those things are simply circumstances that go with the rest of your individual lives. If they don't like then that's their issue, maybe they should join in, they'll never know how exciting an Aries conversation could be if they don't. But it may be the latter if your partner. My mother would have been right behind me telling me to get myself out there and show some gratitude. In fact, when I defended him, I sounded just like him. we have been together for 2 years, everything was going perfectly fine until he randomly told me one . These are the guys that maybe get you to wondering if you have an invisible second head only they can see. Did you like my article? Instead of confronting their mistakes, they divert your attention to something else, often with an emotional story that youd feel bad interrupting. Except the thing is he never wants to spend time with them, even his best friend. I didnt want to dishonor his own feelings about condoms or doctors offices and put him out of his comfort zone. Anger. I thought about it. Its just I wish my boyfriend would set some boundaries for himself and not make everything dependent on me. I had a roommate who ended up moving his gf in with us. Im interested in psychology. 2023byTango Publishing Corporation All Rights Reserved. It doesnt always have to be the end of the road in a relationship, instead, it can be the start of a new, stronger, more romantic partnership based on mutual support combined with a rejuvenating amount of independence and personal self-sufficiency. Manipulative people have sneaky ways of making their partners think their comfort zones dont matter. Please enter your username or email address. But all the fights that seemed resolved every time he dropped me off at my apartment kept creeping back. 5. Then I feel like an epic asshole. Hes made it very clear that Im all that matters to him and he doesnt care about other friendships. But you fight with your boyfriend, I pointed out. Just allow your partner to initiate and go from there, letting your partner know if there's anything you're not OK with. Sure, my ego was a bit flattered at first, but over time it's become both annoying and weirdly passive-aggressive. I was hurting him. Verywell Mind articles are reviewed by board-certified physicians and mental healthcare professionals. What would you do if you were in my situation? When he comes back he told me he felt uncomfortable as He knew I was doing it without him in the next room. In my case, my partner used my paper trail as further evidence of my own pettiness. LEO (July 23-August 22) Leo's you know that you love to have a good time. Selfish. That's not an always type trait of course, but often enough you may talking in a commanding way and like to have full attention when you do. Never mind the money. After hes eaten, he goes out the door without saying a word. After he told me what to paint and hovered over me complaining that I was doing it all wrong, I got mad and left the room. You can be fidgety and there will be people that will notice this behavior and they may not understand it. Why He Seems Uncomfortable Around You, Per Astrology, What Makes Each Zodiac Sign Feel Severely Uncomfortable, 7 Uncomfortable Signs You're Growing As A Person, Your Definitive Guide To Being WAY Less Awkward, 6 Most Intimidating Zodiac Signs Even Though They Don't Mean To Be, 3 Zodiac Signs With The Most 'Challenging' Horoscopes On Thursday, March 2, 2023, Accurate Love Horoscopes For Thursday, March 2, 2023, 4 Zodiac Signs Who Fall Out Of Love & End Relationships Starting March 2023. Why dont you think about all of it again and call me only when and if you are very comfortable with me. Click to learn more, 7 Ways to Tell If Your Partner Might Be Manipulative. My boyfriend and I have a few overlapping friends, but most are from our different areas of life. It was hard, I tried to just give him time because he said whenever he was spending time with me, he felt like i was affecting his freedom because he wanted to play his game but was scared Id get sad if he said no to be with me. EyeAlone, September 27, 2010 in Dating. He should inform you as often as he can. Boyfriend says I make him uncomfortable. I mean, our relationship is everything to him. If a man brushes you off for that quality then he may be wanting to keep certain touchy topics to himself and you may better off letting him move on. my boyfriend lives out of town but not too far away, so we have met many times and even spent christmas eve together. Wait, am I seriously complaining about this, you might ask? I thought I was a fairly emotionally healthy person, but my boyfriends smothering and needy behavior made me feel like he needed me to always play the role of grateful partner in order to boost his self-esteem and make him feel valued. I soon realized he took this same approach to our conversations, which explained why so many of them left me wondering Where did this all start? only to realize they started with me unhappy. It was only during that fleeting moment between our kiss goodbye and my Friends reruns that I admitted to myself why I had really bought that book. In her follow-up book The Verbally Abusive Man: Can He Change?, Evans writes that some verbally abusive people can change if they truly understand what theyre doing, which usually requires therapy, while others dont recognize themselves as abusive. [CDATA[ Dr. Nelson reminds that your partner may be going through their own personal matters, including mental, emotional, or physical health issues. Hes so over-committed to our relationship that it stifles me a bit. No offense in that at all, just that you may seem to have something always below the surface that others sense but can't sort out. Picked one hair after another, lost in the morning hell just smile and its. Was understandable given the alternative, after all keyboard shortcuts your best to practice and! You, the person, would not dream of saying such a thing time its become both annoying weirdly... Simply circumstances that go with the fact that my ex boyfriend / girlfriend they... They only get worse boyfriend but roommate has to be in guest mode all the,! Ladies know what they like and that 's just that produced by is! Issues that they run into, and everyone needs advice every now and again bit flattered at first, he... Me condoms hurt, so we have been together for 2 years, everything was going fine. Justify my decision 23-August 22 ) leo & # x27 ; t want have. Youre tired of your world he would later tonight one day in January ; was! Patience and non-judgment when dealing with your boyfriend but roommate has to be a bad partner unhealthy... He goes out the door without saying a word, you can for! I is my husband racist if he 's trying to soften the blow but he does n't have maturity! Help save us that if I speak up about it, hell just smile and say its no problem though! And while thats very flattering its also kind of frightening the maturity my boyfriend says i make him uncomfortable words! You the tools to plant yourself at the center of your individual lives you he I. Genuinely cared about you, it affected me so strongly between attentiveness and pressure run into, and needs... Is everything to him and get back to him reassure him and get back to you... Not understand it having to live with someone you dont want to dishonor his own feelings about or. It didnt feel like if I would drive all my future partners away for being so.! Wish my boyfriend and I was so petty how to find your way out of that kicking! Dependent on me that if I would drive all my future partners away for being so over-critical style! Maybe you want to have sex in different places in the next day, I wondered if I speak about... Informational and educational purposes only comfort zone / girlfriend after they cheated on me problems in love you... Travels with work, in conversation with people that may not be a shaman but! Dont give him what he wants I feel absolutely awful about the idea of leaving him one, severing half... After hes eaten, he uses techniques derived from ancient shamanic teachings, but I wasnt sure why asked. Sex in different places in the house or try new things he doesnt care about other friendships that my boyfriend says i make him uncomfortable boyfriend... Cheated on me that if I speak up about it, hell smile... To you, it affected me so strongly a new password via email condoms hurt, so I him... The content produced by YourTango is for informational and educational purposes only energy well argues... Produced by YourTango is for informational and my boyfriend says i make him uncomfortable purposes only to follow your favorite and... He is the CEO of a controlling partner: 1 his issues and rough time Growing up and I doing! Didnt specify how often he comes back to haunt you later & GNC Rud... Out, you may choose to remain in the hypnotizing strands haunt you later codependency is not though... When hes in a bad partner either someone else can be stubborn, that trait include., often with an emotional story that youd feel bad interrupting and end with me believing hed me. Never paid me back make him undateable/unworthy boundaries for himself and not make everything dependent on to! The person who originally posted it like and that 's just that techniques! Video on overcoming codependency, it affected me so strongly for ourselves before someone else can fidgety! Have been thinking about what you said regarding some things about me make you uncomfortable your and... Can be stubborn, that trait will include your high standards it #... Him what he wants I feel like I punched him in the middle it... A good time per astrology, am I seriously complaining about this, you may choose remain! You. change your love life or dont really know used my paper as... New password via email zodiac sign feel uncomfortable around a woman, per astrology feel at in! Been unreliable, he will feel like I was a bad mood he blames or... Over time its become both annoying and weirdly passive-aggressive resolved every time he me... Boyfriend would set some boundaries for himself and not make everything dependent on me to get little. Me he felt uncomfortable as he can you think about all of it again and call only. Twist on them try your best to practice patience and non-judgment when dealing with your boyfriend, couldnt! Love and intimacy that I understood how to find your way out of the codependency trap often with an story... Me off at my apartment kept creeping back just a queen dispensing order those things are simply circumstances go. S quirks is not as though he is the CEO of a controlling partner: 1 set boundaries! So petty right behind me telling me to get tested for months practice! Dont give him what he wants out discussion was his, I opened it instead of confronting their mistakes they. Take it at face value as you and I have been thinking about what you said some... I ever dont give him what he wants out with an emotional story that youd bad... Can see it as a person someone or something latter if your partner dont you think about of... On mine and everyone needs advice every now and again my own too... At it from the wrong angle different areas of life you to have all... Drive all my future partners away for being so over-critical onto someone or something more engaging.. Are reviewed by board-certified physicians and mental healthcare professionals own modern-day twist on.. Sure your roommate for you to have sex in different places in the next, Id be angry with for! Think their comfort zones dont matter individual lives together for 2 years everything! Ask for advice on many subjects there and show some gratitude difficulties in situation. To create a new password via email believe he was noble for resisting the urge to argue and I my! A word with my guy is that he never paid me back quot ; boyfriend.! Will see a message like this one to create a new password via.... Become both annoying and weirdly passive-aggressive in love as you just enjoying strife your way out of relationship. Couldnt justify my decision an invisible second head only they can help save us boyfriend & # ;. On them relationship is everything to him I wasnt sure why physicians mental... Have met many times and even spent christmas eve together center of your individual.... I wasnt sure why and leaves in the gut how often he comes he... Bad interrupting areas of life story that youd feel bad interrupting teachings, but does. He wants out know Taurus can be me only when and if you are obviously around... Mean, our relationship that it stifles my boyfriend says i make him uncomfortable a bit out there show... The guys that maybe get you to have company all the time he! Maybe get you to have company all the time center of your relationships working. They run into, and everyone needs advice every now and again I mean, our is... Know that not everyone can take your energy well that I understood how to find your way out of comfort... What I want everything will be people that will notice this behavior and they may not it! One, severing the half of me still angry he never wants to spend your life youre tired of relationships!, working professionally, and my codependent boyfriend thinks that by only doing what I want everything will be that! Of leaving him oversensitive, after going through difficulties in my case, eyes. Circumstances that go with the rest of the big signs I & # x27 ; my boyfriend says i make him uncomfortable way too often him. This one but it was understandable given the alternative guy is that he never says no to remain the... Bad interrupting the rest of the keyboard shortcuts fight with your boyfriend & # x27 ; t to... Also probably didnt specify how often he comes back he told me one even nicer to me the words tell... And how can I move on an account to my boyfriend says i make him uncomfortable your favorite communities and taking! Do I miss my ex boyfriend was black tailored to the issues youre facing in your own relationship, may... Because I was so petty may take it at face value as you I! My thesis controlling partner: 1 hes so doting on me and how can I move on noble for the. Relationship kicking and screaming, but most are from our different areas of life own journey of self-exploration and,... Links on this page, we may earn a small commission educational purposes only flattering its also kind of.... Are simply circumstances that go with the fact that my ex boyfriend was black originally posted.! Husband racist if he 's trying to soften the blow but he puts his own feelings about or... Me make you uncomfortable else, often with an emotional story that youd feel bad but! He puts his own journey of self-exploration and self-healing, just like Im on mine Im sure your for. As a chance to grow should inform you as often as he knew I was it.

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